” I nodded, amazed that my dad had just supplied me with porn and given me free reign to masturbate whenever I wanted. He continued, “And I don’t think Billy should come over, at least not until after your birthday. Tell him that I’ve grounded you, if you want, and don’t tell him that I found-out what you’ve been doing.” Then he took a deep breath and paused before going on, “But now, I have to ask you for an almost impossible favor.” I had no idea what to expect. But not what came out, “Adam, after next Sunday, I going to ask that you don’t jack-off, nor play-around with Billy.” Again, shock. “I know it will be hard, but it’s just for a week. From next Sunday until your birthday, the following Saturday. Now, I remember what it was like to be your age, shit, I used to get myself off half-a-dozen times a day. And if you absolutely can’t stand it anymore, go ahead, but try not to do it that much, especially later in the week. I promise you that in the end, it will be well. But it wasn’t the same as it was with Derek. It wasn’t exhilarating or dangerous. The excitement came from the fact that I was doing something I shouldn’t with my husband’s best friend. After the guilt of what I was doing wore off, I tried to justify my actions, telling myself that this could be good for me, good for my marriage. My God, I thought with a sickening sort of realization, I am addicted to Derek, he is my drug. This is what it must be like for addicts, guilty feelings and then justification. But despite all my feelings of guilt and remorse and self-hatred at what I was doing, I was looking forward to seeing Derek again. I was impatient for the work week to start and once the new week was upon me, I was impatient for my lunch break to roll around so I could sneak away for an hour or so and see Derek. I got a text from Derek on Monday saying that he couldn’t get away from work so we’d have to postpone or lunch meeting, as he put it. I was disappointed and upset, but also.
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